Sands Bereavement Articles

Before you go home, the staff will give you the name and telephone number of a contact at the hospital. You can contact staff at any time if you have any questions or concerns. They will also tell you when to come back to the hospital and where to go. It is important that, as far as possible, you do not travel home alone. Shock and distress can affect people’s judgement and ability to concentrate. It is especially important that you do not drive.

Most mothers decide to give birth in the hospital. However, some mothers may choose to have their baby at home where this is possible. If you decide to go to the hospital, the place where your baby will be born will often depend on the policy of the hospital and on the stage your pregnancy has reached. In most hospitals, mothers are admitted to the labour ward or to another specialist unit if they have reached 20 weeks of pregnancy or longer.

The staff should explain where you will be cared for, where your baby will be born and what pain relief will be available. If you have a preference, do let the staff know. They might still be able to offer you certain aspects of your birth plan.

The way that your labour is induced will depend on the stage of your pregnancy. You may be given medication to prepare your womb for the induction and this usually takes time to work. Some women go home during this time, with an appointment to come back to the hospital 24 to 48 hours later.

If you feel too distressed by the thought of going home, you may want to stay in hospital. The staff will usually try to organise this.

In hospital, your labour may be induced with tablets. These tablets may sometimes be combined with or followed by gel or pessaries that are inserted into your vagina. You may also need an intravenous drip containing medication to stimulate the contractions.

Once labour has started, most mothers give birth within 24 hours. The midwife or nurse caring for you should explain what to expect and how they will look after you. Some women decide to wait and see if their labour starts by itself.

  If you have no medical problems and are considering waiting, you need to be aware of the following:

• If you wait more than 48 hours, you will be offered regular blood tests to check that your health isn’t being negatively affected.
• If there are any worries about your health, or if your labour hasn’t started after two or three weeks, the doctor will usually recommend that you have an induction.
• If there is a delay before the birth, your baby’s condition may deteriorate. If you want to have a post-mortem examination to try to find out why your baby died, this is less likely to provide information. A delay may also affect your baby’s appearance. Changes to your baby’s skin tone or dryness as well as their colour may occur, but your midwife should be able to explain what to expect.

The staff will usually test your blood and urine, and possibly take vaginal swabs. Although these tests are important, it may not be possible at this stage to find out why your baby has died.

It is important to get support during labour. It can be helpful to have one or two labour partners to support you if possible. Having two labour partners will also let them support each other and let them take turns to have breaks. It is common for labour partners to feel helpless and to experience a range of conflicting feelings. Nevertheless, many labour partners have said that, although it was very difficult, it was important that they were there.

If your labour partner plans to take their car to hospital ask the staff about parking charges. Some hospitals may not charge, or have a reduced parking rate, for partners of mothers in labour.

If your health is at risk, the doctor will recommend that your labour is induced as soon as possible. If there are no medical reasons for delivering your baby straight away, the main decision that you may have to make is whether to have medication to start the labour or wait for the labour to start by itself.

You may not have to decide this straight away. You and your partner can discuss the different options with the staff. If you are a single parent, you may want to include a family member or close friend to help you think through your options and to support you when you are talking with the staff. You may also want to go home and take time to think about what you want to do.

You might find that the health professionals caring for you, or even some family and friends, use technical definitions when talking about your baby without appreciating how this might make you feel. For example, if your baby died at 23 weeks of pregnancy, they might say that you had a “late miscarriage” rather than that your baby died. This could be because the requirements for registration are different, depending on when your baby died.

It is important that you tell family, friends and hospital staff the language you prefer. They might know or have cared for other parents who use different language to describe a loss that happened at a similar time in pregnancy.

Unless there is a medical reason for you to have a caesarean section, doctors usually recommend that you give birth to your baby vaginally. This is usually medically safer for you and you are likely to make a quicker physical recovery.

The thought of going through labour and giving birth to a baby who has died can come as a huge shock to many parents. The midwife or nurse will ensure that you are well cared for during your labour and the birth, and you will have the opportunity to ask questions before your baby is born.

With time and support, most mothers adjust to the idea of going through labour. Although it may seem strange, many mothers who have been through this experience say that it feels right to have been able to go through labour and give birth to their baby. However, if you find the idea of labour too much to cope with, or if you have had a difficult birth or a caesarean in the past, do discuss this with the doctor who is looking after you.

Your baby might have died before or during labour. If your baby has died before labour you will, in most cases, need to give birth. You may have been told that your baby is extremely unwell and not expected to live more than a few hours or days.

Waiting to give birth is an incredibly difficult time. Whilst you are waiting you may have a huge range of thoughts and feelings racing through your head, you may feel completely numb or anything in between. Even after your baby has died, as you change position you might still feel the baby move in your womb as and this could feel very unsettling for you.

You should be offered a private space to give birth away from other mothers and families. You will be encouraged to have a partner or someone else with you for support and to help you make decisions, as it can be very hard to focus at this time.