Important dates, such as the anniversary of the date when your baby died, their due date, or occasions traditionally celebrated with family, such as special holidays, can be especially hard. Mothers’ Day and Fathers’ Day can be especially difficult and our Helpline extends its hours on these days. Often the build up to the actual day is harder than the day itself and planning something specific can be really helpful.
If you have other children, it can be helpful to talk to children in advance about any dates on the calendar that might be more difficult than others, so that they are aware that you and they may feel sad again for a while. Do not be surprised if a child also shows signs that important dates and the lead up to them, trigger feelings of grief for them too.
Holidays and other times when families gather together can be a time when the baby is especially missed. Family birthdays, and especially those of a surviving twin or multiple birth, can also be bitter-sweet. Some families do something special to remember their baby on these occasions, such as lighting a candle for the baby or choosing a special decoration together, having a picnic or doing something they’ve always planned, but not managed to do. It’s important that you do what feels right for you.
Many families mark anniversaries or other special occasions by lighting a candle, baking a cake for the baby or visiting a special place, such as the baby’s grave, the place they scattered their baby’s ashes, or another place that has strong associations with the baby. If you celebrate Christmas, hanging a stocking for the baby or putting ornaments on the tree in their memory, might help other children.
Some parents buy a gift for the age their child would have been and donate it to a charity. Many families choose to raise funds for Sands by taking on a fundraising challenge, organising an event such as a sponsored memory walk or make a donation in memory of their baby. There are many ways you can do this and you can find out more at www.sands.org.uk/get-involved.