It’s never too late to commemorate your baby. You may wish to name your baby if you haven’t felt that you could before now, order a certificate from Sands, arrange a ceremony, attend a Remembrance event, or plant a tree…
Arrange a ceremony to commemorate your baby
You might want to have a ceremony of your own to honour, or perhaps to name your baby. You can create something with special relevance to you and your family. For example, you could scatter flower petals on water or light candles at a place with special meaning for you. You might want to ask family members or close friends to do this with you, and you could ask someone to recite a favourite poem or sing a special song.You might want to have a ceremony of your own to honour, or perhaps to name your baby. You can create something with special relevance to you and your family. For example, you could scatter flower petals on water or light candles at a place with special meaning for you. You might want to ask family members or close friends to do this with you, and you could ask someone to recite a favourite poem or sing a special song.
If you prefer a faith-based ceremony, you may wish to contact your local place of worship and arrange prayers, or alternatively you could contact the Institute of Civil Funerals (www.iocf.org.uk) or search the internet for an independent celebrant who will help you plan a service with as much or as little religious or spiritual content as you want. For a secular ceremony the Humanist Society may be able to help. These days it is much more widely accepted that the death of a baby needs to be acknowledged in the same way as the death of an older child or an adult.
Plant a tree
You could explore the possibility of planting or dedicating a tree either in your own or a friend’s garden or local park, the Woodland Trust, or National Trust.
Visit a memorial garden
Sands has a garden at the National Memorial Arboretum in Alrewas in Staffordshire. This garden was established in 2000 and is dedicated to the memory of all babies who have died. It is a tranquil place where families can remember their own baby in beautiful and peaceful surroundings. There is a sculpture in the garden with the inscription “Remembered but un-named”, for parents who were not given the opportunity to name their baby. The Arboretum is open every day except Christmas Day. The paths within the Sands Garden are lined with stones or pebbles on which families have written their baby’s name or a short message. If you would like to add your own stone, please use one that is no bigger than 7 centimetres in diameter and write on it or decorate it with indelible markers. Suitable stones and markers are available at the Arboretum.
You might also want to come to the Sands memorial service that is held each June at the National Memorial Arboretum. Information about this service is posted on our website each year in spring (www.sands.org.uk).
Some local cemeteries and crematoria have created memorial areas for babies and children who have died. Even if your baby is buried, or his or her ashes are scattered elsewhere, you may find it helpful to spend time in one of these quiet places. There are several Sands memorial gardens around the UK . Our Helpline (0808 164 3332) or (helpline@sands.org.uk) can tell you if there is one near you and can give you the contact details.
Come to a Sands Lights of Love service
Sands holds Lights of Love services in December every year around the UK. The dates and venues for each year’s Lights of Love services are announced on the Sands website in the autumn. You could also go to a hospital memorial service. Many hospitals organise an annual non‑denominational memorial service for babies who have died. You can contact the chaplains at the hospital where your baby died, or at a hospital that is close to where you live, to find out when their service will be held. Some crematoria also hold annual memorial services.
Memorial services can be quite emotional, so you may want to ask a close family member or friend to go with you or to meet you afterwards. You could also let the people who are organising or leading the service know that you might be coming, so that they can look out for you.
Baby Loss Awareness Week is held every year between 9-15 October and ends with the international Wave of Light at 7pm on 15 October for parents to remember their baby at the same time as others across the world. More information is available at www.babyloss-awareness.org.
Other things you might like to do
- If your baby’s stillbirth or birth and death were registered and you don’t have a certificate, you can contact the register office in the UK country where the baby was born to ask for one, or order one from Sands
- Light a special candle for your baby on the anniversary of his or her birth, at festivals or at family gatherings.
- Write a letter or letters to your baby. You could write about what happened, the hopes you have, any siblings and family who know about your baby.
- Have something made with your baby’s name on.
- Add your baby on to your family tree.
- Make a donation in memory of your baby to help to support bereaved parents, to ensure that the care they receive is a good as it can possibly be and to promote research to find out why babies die. Sands has a range of sporting and other events which you would be welcome to join or support. Donations to Sands enable us to continue our vital work.
To find out more, please visit our website sands.org.uk, email fundraising@sands.org.uk or call 020 7436 7940