The stress on couples when a baby dies can be huge. It is very difficult to give support and understanding to someone else when you are so sad and in need of support yourself. Grief is very individual, and the way that it comes and goes means that, often, you and your partner may not feel or need the same things at the same time. You may also have different ways of expressing and dealing with your feelings.
Sometimes couples find it hard if their grief patterns do not match and one partner may feel that the other is not grieving as much or in the same way. This can put a strain on your relationship. Some partners put their grief on hold for a while and concentrate on supporting their partner or the birth mother. Their grief may emerge weeks or even months after their baby’s death. Some partners may find it hard to open up having kept things in for so long. Again we can support you with this.
Whether your grief is immediate or delayed, there will probably be times when your whole existence seems to be taken up with grief. Because grief can come in waves, you may also find that you can cope well for hours or even days. Some parents feel guilty about this and worry that they are being disloyal to their baby, but this doesn’t mean that you have forgotten or no longer care about your baby. It’s quite common to have periods of calm and normality between waves of acute sadness.