Experiencing the death of a baby whom you dearly wanted and loved does not mean that you will automatically want to try to have another baby. Equally, you might decide not to have another baby straight away but decide to try to have one later. If you’re feeling unsure, give yourself enough time and space to consider what is best for you. You may be unsure for a long time before you make a decision.
There may be both adults and children around you who will assume that you want to have another baby and this could feel painful for you. They might be grieving in their own way and feel that another baby would help their own grief. While this might be true for them, you are under no obligation to meet others’ expectations, or to help others cope with their grief. You also do not have to find a reason such as ill health or infertility to explain why you are not trying to have another baby.
You may want to grieve for the baby who has died and how you feel as a parent towards that baby rather than thinking about any future parenting. You might also not want to experience any risks and complications that you had to experience with the baby who died, or any health problems that you might have developed as a result of being pregnant. In addition to these concerns, you might not want to risk future loss. The thought of future loss can feel very frightening.
If you do not want a baby but your partner does, try to resolve this as you would any other issue in your relationship. The death of a baby can have a huge impact. It might be helpful to arrange couples therapy to help you talk through some of your feelings and the impact of the loss on your relationship.
For the partner who does want another baby, having this denied can feel like a further loss. For them, it can be important to find a way to say goodbye to the baby who has died but also to those babies they imagined they might have. If you have had IVF, there might be embryos remaining.
Deciding not to have another baby can feel especially difficult and cause conflict as these embryos could be implanted. It might be possible to donate the embryos for use by other people or for research if you wish, however, this may still create feelings of loss that will need to be processed. Your IVF clinicians will be able to discuss options with you.