If you are the birth mother, you will be recovering from the physical impact of the birth of your baby, just as you would if your baby was alive. Your body would have prepared itself for a live baby and not register that your baby has died. If you are experiencing any medical issues after the birth of your baby, it is vital that you receive any medical care that you need.
You might find that you are producing milk in preparation for breastfeeding. This can be very painful both physically and emotionally. If your baby died in neonatal care, you might have already started breastfeeding either directly or by expressing your milk.
You could consider donating your milk to a milk bank. This can help those mothers whose babies were born very prematurely and who were therefore unable to produce milk. Someone from your healthcare team will be able to talk with you about milk donation. There is also information on the United Kingdom Association for Milk Banking (UKAMB) website http://www.ukamb.org/. If you prefer, you can ask for medication to help you stop producing milk.
For all parents, grief can be exhausting. You may be physically as well as emotionally drained. You may be tired from the shock of finding out that your baby died, the decisions you have had to make, or the labour. You may also have had the stress of travelling long distances to and from home to get to a Neo natal Unit or to appointments. Telling people that your baby has died might also have felt exhausting.
Other physical reactions could include a loss of appetite, inability to care for yourself, or difficulty sleeping. Where possible, ask family and friends to help you look after other children you might have and to help with day-to-day tasks such as shopping, cooking and cleaning.
If you have had twins or multiple babies, you might be faced with a situation when all of them have died, or one or more is alive. If the babies who are alive are also unwell and in neonatal care, you might be exhausted trying to focus on their needs while also grieving for the babies who have died. Sometimes, twins or multiples who are unwell might be in different specialist centres in different parts of the country. Visiting them, while managing the practical and emotional aspects of your grief, can be extremely difficult.