Important dates, such as the anniversary of the date when the baby died or was due to be born, or occasions traditionally celebrated with family, such as special holidays, can be especially sad for parents. It can be helpful to talk to children in advance about any dates on the calendar that might be more difficult than others, so that they are aware that you may be sad again for a while. Do not be surprised if a child also shows signs that important dates and the lead up to them, trigger feelings of grief for them too.
Holidays and other times when families gather together can be a time when the baby is especially missed. Family birthdays, and especially those of a surviving twin or multiple birth, can also be bitter-sweet. Some families do something special to remember their baby on these occasions such as lighting a candle for the baby or choosing a special decoration together.
Many families mark anniversaries or other special occasions by lighting a candle, baking a cake for the baby or visiting a special place, such as the baby’s grave, the place they scattered their baby’s ashes, or another place that has strong associations with the baby. If you celebrate Christmas, hanging a stocking for the baby or putting ornaments on the tree in their memory, might help other children. Children can be involved in any of these activities and this can provide comfort and ways to acknowledge the grief that is felt by the whole family. You may also want some time on your own whenever grief resurfaces. It might be helpful to explain as to why this is, rather than risk further upset and confusion at what might already be a time of heightened emotions.